I first began my journey into motherhood in 2015 when I became pregnant with my first. I grew up with the usual conditioning of needing to ‘bounce back’, do everything myself, look pretty all the time, and with a smile on my face. All of that was easy for me because I was young (30 years old) and yes, I did ‘bounce back’. I didn’t have to work out after birth!
I got pregnant again 4 months after birth and it was another easy pregnancy except for some pain in the pelvic region during third trimester. The birth was traumatic but we did everything all natural, and we were all healthy and fine. Since the pregnancy of my first up til 2022, I went into a deep dive of my spiritual journey and personal developement. I stopped partying, I didn’t work the nightclub anymore, and I did tons of healings and shadow work. I also did yoga religiously, pole fitness and acrobats weekly, and got out to nature consistently. I was the healthiest I’d ever been.
In 2022, I got pregnant with my daughter. Even though I was healthy, I had morning sickness, my hormones were raging, I got sick twice which lasted a month each, and had nerve pain and damage in my pelvic area which made it hard to walk at times. Then, it was time she wanted to be born. We did an unassisted home birth (my partner and me only). It was the most beautiful and empowering but intense and raw experience I’d ever had! It took a lot of deprogramming and healings to get to that point, where it was just my partner and me throughout the whole pregnancy, labor, and birth.
The after math- I couldn’t stand up for a few days, couldn’t walk for a few more after. I couldn’t use the stairs 'til two weeks later and it would take forever for me to go up and down them. When it was time that I decided to include fitness into my life again, I couldn’t even do a squat with just body weight. My body had forgotten how to operate and since then it has been a process of remembering and reactivating my muscles and repairing my nervous system.
Recovery- I went to see a naprapath and a pelvic floor therapist which helped tremendously! The rest was my partner and me, getting the reps in, being patient with the process, staying consistent even on days when I wanted to quit everything, and all the space holding.
Now, 1 year later, I am still not where I want to be but I am getting closer, with each breath, each step, each day. I do have my days where I feel exhausted, with physical, mental, and emotional breakdowns. Homeschooling, breastfeeding, activities, housework, and all while working, finding time for myself, my goals and my hobbies. (My partner has helped a lot too!) And even though I tell myself, “Enjoy these moments with your children. They grow fast.” or “Breastfeeding is healthy for you and your baby.” I still can’t help but to scream and cry sometimes.
Motherhood is beautiful and messy. It is rewarding and challenging. It is a continuous death and rebirth. I wouldn’t change any of this. I am eternally grateful to be a mother to my three children. Thank you for choosing me. ❤️
I’d like to thank my children, my partner, my parents, my friends and family, and all of you for the love and support throughout these years! And...I’d like to thank myself! (We need to give ourselves more credit moms!) 😉🙌🏻🌹 And all the tools I used to heal myself, the self-care rituals, and Reiki and Quantum/Source healings I did. I am grateful to have learned and applied these tools!
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